On the occasion of being sick of hearing this shit.

 5. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” Elmo ’n’ Patsy. This was funny for, like, a minute. In 1983.

4. “Wonderful Christmastime,” Paul McCartney. Nothing says Christmas like the molestation of a synthesizer.

3. “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town,” The Jackson Five. Makes you wonder how Michael ever became a superstar.

2. “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” Bruce Springsteen. This one makes my ears bleed eggnog.

1. “Santa Baby,” Madonna. Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me run faster for the fast forward button.